Your core beliefs determine how you live. Because they shape so much of what you think, feel, and do, they also shape the health of your relationships.

For our purposes, a core belief is a firmly held conviction that consistently motivates your behavior.

Belief + consistent action = core belief

A belief is something you say you believe. A core belief is revealed not only by what you state, but by how you act most of the time. Healthy, biblical core beliefs can strengthen relationships. Unhealthy beliefs can quietly limit our ability to communicate, resolve conflict, and connect well.

Six insights about core beliefs

  1. Belief and behavior are different.A belief is something you accept as true. A core belief demonstrates how you actually live.
  2. Strong opinions are not always core beliefs.If an idea is not demonstrated in your life, it may be a superficial way of thinking rather than a guiding conviction.
  3. Biblical belief is active.In the New Testament, belief usually points to something acted upon. James 2:14–26 invites us to examine the relationship between faith and action.
  4. Some core beliefs remain unexamined.You may consistently act on a conviction without having named or analyzed it.
  5. Consistency does not mean perfection.It means the usual pattern of your life, not flawless performance every time.
  6. Core beliefs can be true or false.Beliefs grounded in truth tend to motivate appropriate action. False beliefs can lead us toward harmful responses.

A core belief about conflict

Conflict is normal in close relationships.

Living or working closely together over time means we will disagree, offend, and irritate one another. We have different personalities, backgrounds, tastes, lifestyles, and needs. Those differences naturally create tension.

Accepting conflict as a fact of life helps us deal with it better. Conflict is not destructive by itself. The way we handle it determines the damage or growth that follows. When we handle conflict well, we often draw closer to one another.

Adapted from the God’s Design for Community course and Relationship Resources archive.