A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1 NIV
A friend said some very mean things to me and about me. After prayerfully considering what to say, I told her how much I appreciated her friendship. Then I confronted her about how much her words hurt me.
Her immediate response was to get very angry and begin blaming me. She said I deserved everything that was said. Then she started telling me everything she did not like about me. I listened, not knowing what I could say to stop her barrage.
Once she began to calm down, I was able to tell her how her words hurt me. I listened when she told me why she said what she did. When I shared my feelings, she apologized. I asked her to come to me in the future if she was upset with me.
She began to understand how her words could damage. That conversation drew us much closer together than we had ever been. If I had not been willing to risk confronting her, I probably would have drifted away from the relationship, and she may never have known why.
You can guide your response, not theirs
Sometimes when we confront someone, they respond positively. Other times they respond very negatively. What we do then can influence the outcome, although no matter what we do, we cannot force the other person to react well. All we can do is follow wise guidelines and pray.
Avoiding or ignoring an issue rarely makes it go away. Ask yourself: What kind of member of my community am I if I am unwilling to confront in order to forge a way toward more effective communication and understanding?
Excerpted from God’s Design for Community: Proven Relationship Skills for Christians.